You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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