M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
