Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
