you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
