Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
