you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
