I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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