between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
