well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
