Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
