He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
