we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
