that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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