She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
