She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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