So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
