I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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