I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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