I puked a lego.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
