summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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