Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
