I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
