he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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