It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
