Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
