i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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