my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
