she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
