You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
