Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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