after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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