I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
