Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
