I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
