I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
