I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
