How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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