I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
