In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i jhust puked up my retainher.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
