I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
