Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
