Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
