Umm I'm too high to move.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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