well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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