You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
