I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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