I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
