It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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