Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
