Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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