Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
