I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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