You made me cry and you don't even care
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
