woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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