I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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